Our lost rites & why it's important to reclaim them in the technological age

In many of us lives a forgotten sadness, one that is rarely named or acknowledged. I feel it deeply now as my eldest son turns 13 this month and is starting to move toward manhood.  

In many cultures he would leave his mother and younger children to join the men on his first hunt. Or he would be taken deep into the jungle for his first vision quest where he would be left alone for 3 days with nothing but his childhood fears and an empty belly for company.  He would face those fears, feel the gnaw of hunger and the cold and he would survive, return changed and the change would be recognised by all. He would no longer be seen as a child, but as a young man. The umbilical cord would be cut, he would be initiated and expected to step up into this new chapter with new responsibilities and expectations. 

With this important milestone comes a deep, aching recognition. There is no village to gather. No elder to bless him. No circle to witness his transformation. Instead an Amazon wish list and the busyness of modern life, where this shift risks going unseen.

When we move through big changes without naming them, without being witnessed, we can feel untethered.

Where is the fire?

Where is the circle?

Where is the moment we are invited to enter the next portal.

For thousands of years, every culture on Earth carried rites of passage, ceremonies that held us through life’s great shifts. Often from the moment of conception to birth to death, from childhood to adulthood, separation and union. If it was a girls first bleed she would be adorned with flowers, celebrated, sung to and brought into the red tent to become a woman. 

Rites of passage marked change and helped us take our place in the circle.  

But in the last 150 years, these powerful turning points have all but vanished from mainstream Western society. Industrialisation, urbanisation and the rise of individualism have slowly eroded the communal frameworks that once held these initiations. What was left of the ceremonial became a superficial commodity. Our rites were lost and forgotten not all at once, but quietly, until many no longer noticed they were missing.

And yet we remember.

When conscious rites are not present and marked, transitions still happen, but without intention, without witness, without integration, without clear meaning. We are left in liminal spaces with no acknowledgement of our becoming. Teens remain uninitiated and run wild often forming their own dangerous and destructive rituals to signify their “adulthood”.  Adults stay tethered to childlike identities. Without rites, the psyche struggles to evolve and we stay stuck. We see it in the crises of addiction, disconnection, burnout and endless seeking.

In this advanced and deeply untethered technological age, we need these initiations more than ever. We are more connected and more isolated than any generation before us. We scroll past moments that would once have stopped the village in its tracks. We speed through change with no time to grieve, integrate, honour and transform. Our over reliance on technology has disconnected us from the natural rhythms of life. In a world where everything is fast and online.  We have forgotten the slower, embodied and ancient ways of marking change. 

Rites of passage give shape to the formless. They remind us we are not machines and we are not timeless.  We are part of the great web of life, cyclical, rooted and alive. 

They offer belonging and connection, to land, to lineage, to community and to self. They remind us of the responsibility we hold, not just for ourselves, but for each other and our planet.

To reclaim them doesn’t mean we copy the old ways without context. It means we create new ceremonies with integrity and care.  We are living in a modern age and rites need to be adapted to our modern, western psyche’s and communities. 

 It can be as simple as a solo fast on the land. A circle for young women and girls to remember their ancestral wisdom. A grief ritual after miscarriage. A celebration of life and wisdom for those entering elderhood. A place where young men can be supported, guided and held accountable by older men . So that collectively we can grow and support one another through each rebirth And remembering. 

If you feel the absence of a rite of passage in your life or in the life of someone you love, we are here. 

Mahi Wolf