Conscious relating starts with an infrastructure of self acceptance, a knowing that it all starts within.
The relationship we have with ourselves and the desire we have to explore our internal world is the essence of all the “work” we do in relationship. If we are not willing to take responsibility for our own happiness, pain and triggers, we will see our relationship challenges as separate from us, we will project our own stories onto our loved ones which will make healing in a relationship nearly impossible.
In order to create in conscious relationship we must first evolve individually by developing a deep relationship to self and getting to know our own shadows, committing to understanding our own minds should be our first response to any conflict or discomfort, this means we practise taking ownership of our experiences and triggers.
Make radical self care and self love a prerogative so that we never feel as if we are pouring from an empty cup.
Build and maintain healthy boundaries and clear loving communication both with oneself and in relationship.
Be willing to see ourselves and one another through compassionate eyes, seeing conflict as an opportunity for growth, thus creating safety for honesty, vulnerability and accountability.
No relationship is perfect, sometimes the most “conscious” relationships initially have the most strife as they can be just the medicine we need to bring up our oldest and most deeply buried internal anguish for healing, this gives us an opportunity to hold space for our beloved and ourselves for the sadness, insecurity, grief and trauma to bubble up to the surface and be received and healed with love. Learning to love and accept ourselves and one another in all of our darkness and our brilliant light is a learning process, it is also an unlearning process of many of the things our own parents and society has had us believe a relationship should look like that in reality can be completely dysfunctional, co dependant and damaging.
When we fully commit to knowing ourselves and understanding our patterns, programming and pain we often find the perfect people to bring it all to the surface. Our relationships can be our most profound teachers and our biggest inspiration for personal growth if we align with a partner who is willing to be an ally in our healing and in their own.
When we choose to relate and commit to another person or persons in this way, we commit to understanding ourselves, to coming back to love in every moment, choosing compassion over power, to let go into love instead of holding onto anger.
When we decide to go deep into this level of relationship, instead of falling in love we choose to rise in it. We are given the safety and confidence to be vulnerable in the face of our own fears and wounds, we are invited to drop our guard and show our hearts despite how frightening that might feel. It is unavoidable that the shadows will raise their heads and when that happens we are given a choice in how we react and if we choose to do so are able to fully show up as whole and complete and to feel that resonance from our partner.
Any relationship requires some degree of work and commitment. But When two people are truly committed to building a sacred connection at this level of conscious intimacy what they are really committing to is a radically authentic relationship to themselves, our intimate relationships are the ultimate invitation to deepen into self love.
- Mahi Wolf